dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
