i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
