Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
