I'm drive I can fine osifer
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
