Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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