Buhtt sex?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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