i don't like sucking hair
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
