a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
