as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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