I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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