I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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