I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
