Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
