Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
