the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
