I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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