they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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