she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
