I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
