Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
