The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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