Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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