i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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