i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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