I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she told me i tasted like america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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