I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
