I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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