Pass out mid-funnel last night.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
