I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just tell him i said nine months
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
