My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
