Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize