is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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