3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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