i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
