If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Your cock deserves a montage
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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