So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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