I hate your face
nutella sex= disaster
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
