Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
