Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
