I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
