she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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