I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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