...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
