Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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