Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
