He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
