wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
