i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
