apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
