I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
