I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
