You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
