when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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