at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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