I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
