Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
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Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
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Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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