Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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