Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
