I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
