is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
