Will you blow on my dice?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
