Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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