do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
