Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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