there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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