I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
