where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
