There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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