Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
