so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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