Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
